I Don't Want to Get Old

I don’t want to get old.

Sometimes I want to fight the clock and save myself. But then I have days where older feels so much better. There are nights where older feels mature.

I used to think that life was black and white. That emotions were stable and choices were final. But then I lived through more days with him than I can count anymore and I’ve learned to love the grey.

I’ve gotten jobs and lost them. I’ve loved him and I’ve hated him. I’ve swaddled babies and let go of hands that no longer reached for me.

Life is filled with memories including darkness and joy, and while everything around us changes, some things stay the same.

I know that no matter all the different ways I have to hold myself together, there are always two arms that will let me fall apart. No matter what town we live in, he is home to me.

He’s the only space where I get to feel young again. His hands feel like memories, and then I love growing old.

One day we’ll be 80, with secrets that only we know, and laughter that only we can recognize.

It’s okay that life keeps moving forward, when there are people beside you who love your past.

I don’t want to get old.

But older does feel better, with you.


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